I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
