It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
