I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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