and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
