She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
