OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
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I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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