..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
