She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize