You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
