The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
