if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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