Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
