what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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