I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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