why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
