He had one of those small greek statue penises
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
