Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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