You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
