I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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