census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
