Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pooping to opera.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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