if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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