I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she pinky promised me she was 18
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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