I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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