Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
