Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
