"it" just moved
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
