The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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