Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
