he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
