People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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