you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
