my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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