He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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