Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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