so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
