it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
