i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
