It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
