On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
