you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
