my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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