Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me