he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!