well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.