Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
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Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits