I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.