Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
