Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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