found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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