This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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