was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
