Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
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I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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