She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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