Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
