haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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