3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
