I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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