this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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