we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
