I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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