John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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