There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
