Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
