I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
