I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
