He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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